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MeAndMy6String
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Name: Hannah
Country: United States
State: Oklahoma
Metro: Oklahoma City
Birthday: 4/27/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: Our Maker Jesus, people, especially old people... Also mercy, sunshine, courage, trees, skirts-not the mini kind, coffee, climbing, adventure, music, streams, depth of soul, spontaneity, truth, photography, honesty, uncontrollable laughter, forgiveness, crafting, grace, and oceans.
Expertise: PLAYING!! (especially outside), relieving stress, being late, being loud, marveling @ the unsearchable, fumbling with keys on a piano, & getting past surface stuff to know the hearts of people, including my own.
Occupation: Research and development
Industry: Hospitality
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/9/2004
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| Home...
Of my 25 years on this earth, I have lived out 20 of them in Oklahoma. Tulsa, Stillwater, Oklahoma City... all of these places have come to hold unique places in my heart, accompanied by innumerable memories. However, this weekend I came home to spend some time with my family before moving to Colorado. As I came down the stairs this morning, I was keenly aware of that tangible feeling of "home" that hangs lightly in the air and has been there for years. I have descended those stairs a million times, but this morning felt different. It was one of those rare moments when years of experiences culminate into a single moment. Crystal clear and poignant... This is my home. This is where I belong. This is where I learned to ride a bike, where I was tucked in every night with a kiss from my mom & a Bebo Bear story from my dad. This is the place I left to become an adult and the place I came back to at every stop along the way. This is still the place where I am a child and I fall asleep knowing I am safe and loved, and I wake knowing the same.
This morning it all floods back to me and I am overwhelmed with the unspeakable blessing that has been my life. The mortar in our hearth. The warmth radiating from our fireplace. Stockings hanging from the fireplace. Sitting on the hearth, opening stockings and the smell of sticky buns coming out of the oven while my mom sets out dishes for Christmas morning breakfast. Amy Grant Christmas songs playing from an old cassette tape. Our dog Sandy ringing bells by the back door to go play outside. Coming home after school to warm brownies or rice krispie treats. Taking a nap on the couch after eating a snack. Watching cartoons on Saturday morning. Waking to the sound of my mother cooking breakfast and cleaning the kitchen. Stumbling down the stairs, wrinkled pajamas, messy hair, glasses, retainers, to be greeted by a bright "Goodmorning" and warm hug from my mom. "Did you sleep well? I'm making waffles, would you like some?" Taking my seat at the kitchen table. It has been my seat since I was 5. My little brother's highchair affixed to the end of the table. His chubby cheeks full and dimpled from a big smile on his face, mirrored by my own. Adoring my baby brother. I'm his big sister. I get to take care of him and watch him grow up. The clearest, purest light you've ever seen radiating in through the bay window and falling softly on the kitchen table.
I love this house. I love our front porch swing. I love our flowerbeds. I love our family built picket fence. I love the street we live on. I love our back deck, the one my mom and dad designed and built together. I love the way the shadow of leaves dances lazily back and forth across that deck. I love everything about this house and no matter where I live, this place, 8609 South 73rd East Avenue, will always be home.
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| It is Spring. No... it is SPRING!!! A warmth has found it's way into the air and continues in greater measure, day by day. Sunset by sunrise it is happening. Winter is wilting and blue skies once more beckon. The soft warmth of sunshine, lazy clouds puffing across the sky, light breeze whipping across my face... all these invite the child in me to shake off the dust of winter and heartaches past and Run.
Throw your head back. Run into the warmth of Spring. Run into the promise of reconcile and peace with God. Lay in an open field. Listen to the wind. Weep until the joy comes... until you feel yourself again.
So Spring is here already, yet coming in fuller measure still. Everything is poised to bloom and explode with new life, as am I. Let it be done, let it be so.
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| So I just spent the last hour watching videos of a local musician (KC Clifford) while she is on the road and touring in various places. Music moves me like nothing else and this will forever be the glorious thorn in my side. I sing virtually everywhere I go, at all times. Only if silence is clearly the unwavering public standard, am I able to keep myself quiet. It has been this way since I was born. Back home there are videos of me as a camera happy 3 yr. old singing about going to the park, eating a snack, and how Jesus loves absolutely everyone... I grew up around what seemed like incessant music. My dad played acoustic guitar and sang, my mother sang along with him and played piano, and I reveled in every song. With every strum, with every new harmony or melody, my heart was designed with a deep well that only music can fill. Growing up, I remember telling my dad over and over again that guitar was absolutely my favorite instrument in the world and would be forever. My sophomore year of college he finally clued in and bought me my first acoustic guitar. It was a Jasmine by Takamine and he got it at a garage sale for what I can only guess was a steal and he surprised me when I came home to visit one weekend. I came into his house and saw his guitar sitting out in his living room on its stand. When I commented on how nice his guitar looked on display he told me it wasn't his. "Oh, are you borrowing it? Is it a friend's?" I asked. "No," he breathed, "It's yours." I gasped. My mouth hung open for a good minute or two, then drew up into an exultant smile as I squealed thanks and enthusiasm to my Dad who was nearly as tickled as I was. There started my own personal journey into the wonderful and frustrating world of songwriting.
As I watched KC's performances, listened to her songs, laughed thru her interviews as she traveled the country my heart began throbbing. To put it plainly, she is a young, talented songwriter who is married, loved and living her dreams.
I'm scared to death I won't ever see my dreams come to pass. I fear I won't marry, have a family and know the kind of love I long for. I am also afraid that I'll always remain on the fringes of music pretending it is enough for me and that I don't ache for more.
My first fear is one I've little control over. The second, I've more... One of my biggest obstacles, musically speaking, is my evident lack of knowledge; i.e. chords, key changes, etc... simply put, my skill level. I've never taken a guitar lesson in my life and it's far past time for me to do so. As I said, there's room for improvement and it's up to me to pursue it.
More than anything I think I write this to check in and keep myself accountable to the things that I want. I just hope that despite my own walls and wounds and baggage, my dreams will come to pass. That is all for today.
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| So I'm in classes to become a nurse. In fact, I'm nearly 1/2way through the semester. Crazy. I am tired these days, but not to the point of exhaustion and for that I'm exceedingly thankful. The Lord has been gracious to me and sufficient for me. Without both these things, grace and sufficiency, I'd have crumbled long before today.
It has been and continues to be a season for growth, the kind that only happens when the soil becomes dry causing the roots to forge their way deeper until finding the reserves of water to sustain life. That is so me right now. In the course of a week there will typically be several times when I stop and just cry because life is hard these days. It's not easy, it's not restful. It's hard and it's stressful and my heart can most definitely feel the effects of continual wear.
However, I will say this; I feel like I am being given a second chance to go after that which truly engages my heart. I am FASCINATED by the things I'm learning. I am that nerd in class who can't stop marveling at the cadaver because I am entirely floored by what we're seeing. The complexities of the human body can only be attributed to a master designer and it expands the way I think about God. I have ENJOYED being in class like I never have before and even though I miss being at a full fledged university, it is by far the better of my 2 college experiences because I love the content. Amazing.
Last, I'm listening to a song by the Weepies about moving forward because "we can't go back now." It entirely suits me today...
"I can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else, but
in the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself
and you and me walk on, walk on, walk on because you can't go back now."
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| So I quit my job to become a nurse. Pretty big deal; however, the much bigger deal is of course that which is NOT concrete and entirely unseen. One banner over this new season is hope, and though I'm not quite ready to admit it yet, I think another banner I will see fly in the near future is risk. The 2 seem to me inextricably linked, but I'm not sure how that link is to play out... yet. I'll let you know when we get there.
In the meantime, Keri is giggling in the living room while watching TV and that makes me happy. To have been through the things she has and to still be able to laugh like a child... that says a lot. Next, I have a job interview with the Gap tomorrow. It's a strange thing to be pursuing part time work after having worked full time in my "field of study" for 2 years. I am sure it's going to be good for my pride. Last, I am hoping for, wrestling with and searching out many a thing today. I desperately need grace to continue to do so.
And so it is written, my grace is sufficient for you.
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